Egg Drop Soup & Other Delights
Hey, it’s not like I don’t love you Blogger (you too, Tappers!) but I’ve just been a busy, busy boy.
So busy. Boy.
Let’s sit down for a spell and catch up a bit, why don’t we? Yeah, you can sit there on the futon. Just go ahead and move those Hot Wheels cars over to the side. That’s fine. Excellent.
Egg Drop Soup – I’m nothing if I’m not clumsy. Seriously. And I know what you’re saying: Daaaang, Thomas. You’re a firefighter and an EMT in your spare time. How can you be clumsy, dog? Well, let’s put it this way, I haven’t dropped any patients for a good couple of weeks, so it’s not like it happens often, but… I seem to have trouble at a restaurant I’ve gone to a couple times in the last couple of months. I went with my friend Dirty Abbott (don’t look him up) to a Vietnamese restaurant in the hip n’ trendy Uptown area of Minneapolis. I was all excited to eat some chicken and broccoli and I promptly ordered. They brought me some Egg Drop Soup and being the hungry, growing boy that I am, I proceeded to enjoy said soup. After about 2 minutes of pure egg droppy goodness, I tipped the cup over and proceeded to nearly burn my crotch to Kingdom Come. With some quick reflexes, my crotch was saved, but my pants took some damage. I felt like an idiot with egg on his pants and the Vietnamese lady laughed like I was some sort of eggy pants-wearing clown. (insert bicycle horn sound here, please). To add insult to injury, she brought me another bowl and laughed. Ha ha!
Cut to Tuesday… My friend Big J (don’t look him up) and I went to the same restaurant. I ordered the same thing. I immediately dove into the egg drop soup with a frenzied fervor only lions on the prairie could understand. I promptly nearly poured egg drop soup all over my SAME PANTS! I did the same last-second-let’s-save-my-crotch move and only splashed a little deliciousness on those poor, abused pants. I’m not kidding. You can’t take me anywhere. The didn’t offer me another bowl. I don’t blame them.
Eels & Kimya Dawson – I got to see a couple concerts in the last two weeks. The Eels show was last Monday at the Pantages theatre in Minneapolis and it marks the 4th time I’ve seen my favorite band. It was so crazy. E (Mark Oliver Everett, the genius behind Eels) first played a documentary that was made about his father who is a world-reknowned physicist (and invented the idea of parallel universes) and then after that he came out on his own and played like 5 songs. After that he said, “Don’t worry. I brought a band.” One guy came out, named The Chet and they proceeded to play a veritable TON of songs with just the two of ’em. You never see the same Eels show twice and last week was no exception. As a bonus? I was able to buy a live CD I didn’t have and a copy of his book Things the Grandchildren Should Know which is only available in the UK right now. Holler!
The Kimya Dawson show was last night. I went with my friend HAL (don’t look her up) and… Oh, wait. You don’t know who Kimya Dawson is? Did you even SEE the movie Juno? She’s the one with the kid-like voice that sings a bunch of the songs on the soundtrack. She used to be in a group called The Moldy Peaches (look it up). Anyway…what a trip. She came out alone with her acoustic guitar and just sang like a mad woman. I’m totally (totally, totally) drawn to her lyrics. Admittedly, she’s not for everyone, but it was quite the experience. The craziest part of the night? Finding a place to park on the West Bank of the U of M campus and realizing there is a severe shortage of quarters. We went to like 5 places and asked to get change for the meters. One guy fired open his register and it was like packed with every kind of coin you could think of…all mixed together. I think I saw a couple sheckles in there. Is that money? Sheckles? It might be.
Anna 2.0 – So, a couple of my readers know this and I know this TOTALLY flags me as being an amateur, but that’s fine. My wife (hi, Laura!) went on a trip Sunday afternoon for work (work! on a Sunday!) and needed something to read. I offered up my unedited, 1st draft copy of ANNA 2.0 as a possible diversion. Remember that one, kiddos? I wrote it in 31 days during the month of SHOCKtober? Yeah. That one. Well, she took it and I almost instantly regretted it. I was pretty sure she’d hate it. After all, I want to change the beginning and the ending and well…I haven’t looked at it with a red pen since…ever. Anyway, on her way home, she sent me a text message: Finished the book, wow! I was floored. Could it be? Did she actually really like it? Turns out she did. So much so that she likes it best of all of them. And yes…I know getting excited about a loved one loving my book makes me an amateur, but I don’t care. Laura is a tough critic. She won’t even read GOOHALO because she heard there might be some zombies in it. Is it perfect as-is? Heck no. Do I have plenty to fix? Yes, indeed. A certain gymnastic’s routine comes to mind (which I know nothing about!) But yeah…I won’t bore you with the details, but she’s pretty excited about it. So much so, in fact, she wants to READ IT AGAIN. Note: My wife NEVER reads anything twice. Like, never.
But enough about me, how the heck have you been?
Your lovin’,
Thomas
I think the thing is, people don’t realize that soup is DANGEROUS and can BURN and that is why they laugh when people spill it on themselves. Also because it is funny. I am sure it was funny to see, but it was hilarious in your retelling, just so you know. I would stay away from the Egg Drop soup from this point on though,. You know what they say about third times being the charm.
That is AWESOME that Anna 2.0 got past your tough critic wife. Yay!!!
Hi. Been in revision hell. Out of touch with reality. I think you and egg drop soup should stop seeing each other.
Courts – I thought they were going to throw me out of there. You know, pick me up by the back of the (eggy) pants and toss me on the sidewalk. But yeah. It’s not like I even LIKE THE SOUP THAT MUCHJ. I is dumb.
Steph – Thanks for stopping by whilst in revision hell. You know the saying: Be careful what you wish for… GOOD LUCK!
The soup incidents really sound like a pair of lawsuits to me. The fact that the woman continued to bring you additional soup really points to her lack of interest in your personal safety. Serioulsy, after the first near crotch-scorching she should have known the caliber of person she was dealing with. Time to get rich, playa…sue!
So jealous you got to see Kimya Dawson, by the way. Me and the Mrs. are big big fans too. I pulled out the old Moldy Peaches stuff and we’ve been listening to it quite a bit lately.
Man, I always think I’m the Eels’ only fan and here you are… SUPAHFAN!
Good to meet a fellow pilgrim.
I had a similar experience with a Weight Watchers pasta dinner earlier this week. I was standing at the kitchen in my hotel room. I pulled the pasta dish out of the microwave. The plastic was hot enough to leave two blisters on each hand. I dropped the pasta and it landed “face down” on the tile floor and frickin’ EXPLODED over everything.
I wouldn’t have believed marinara sauce could be so viscous or travel so far. It was like effing NAPALM. On the walls. On the cabinets. Six feet away there was marinara on the hotel door, five feet up.
And then…
And then…
And then, as the permiscuous kiddies say, there was a “burning sensation” on my wheezer.
I looked down to see a big dripping red stain on the front of my underwear. I burned my effing wheezer too.
… Or at least, if my wife asks, that’s my story and I’m stickin too it.