Randomitis (Books, Faces)

No one wants to hear how busy you are.  It’s become like the opening arguments for a trial you didn’t sign on to judge.  I get it.  There’s nothing more annoying (maybe not completely true) than hearing someone say: “Oh, man.  Dude.  It’s been crazy busy.  You don’t even know.”

So, I’m not going to do it.  Nope.

But let me tell you what I’ve been up to, okay?


Weird, right?  An author guy has books to talk about.  Who would’ve thunk it?  Well, it’s true.  Not only have a big ol’ pile of books come out since I last rapped at ya…

(go ahead and have a look, I can wait)

…but I’m working on (brace yourself) NINETEEN BOOKS between now and August.  NINE.  TEEN.  That smashes any previous records I had for things to work on.  It’s truly kind of insane.  I thought it was nuts-deluxe when I was working on EIGHT non-fiction titles last summer.  Nope.  This takes the cake!  It’s gotten so that I had to actually turn down a request for me to write 3 longer non-fiction titles.  I never turn down book deals and a few weeks ago it happened for the first time.

It wasn’t easy.  (I’m sorry editor person!)

So, I’m extremely grateful and maybe just a little crazy to be behind the wheel of a very aggressive schedule of deadlines.  If it seems like I dropped off of the face of the planet, well…that’s why.

Books, y’all.

(shameless plug in 3…2…1…)

Oh…and can I just say how much I’d love it if you snapped up the new Furry & Flo books?  They’re called THE VOICELESS VAMPIRE and THE SOLEMN GOLEM and I really love these little titles.  They’re fun, the illustrations (done by the uber-talented Stephen Gilpin) are spot-on and they’re close to my heart.  I REALLY wanna be able to finish up the story arc, so having more than a couple people scoop them up will help make this happen.

Please?  I’ll totally buy you a taco the next time I see you.  Plus, your kids will dig ’em.  Believe that.


Remember that time when I used to be on Facebook?  Where I’d sometimes write a thing or two that occasionally was kinda worth reading?  Maybe?

Well, I’ve quit Facebook…cold turkey.

Take a seat.  Let me tell you why:

I had this process every evening when I’d sit down to write.  I’d say goodnight to the wife n’ kids and head downstairs to my office.  I’d fire up the computer and open up my Word document in one window and Facebook in another.  I’d scroll through the news feed, read some stuff, make some smart-alec comments on a few things and then flip back to my work in progress.  A minute or two later, FB would make a noise and I’d flip over to see what’s going on.

Oh, someone liked my dumb comment.  I should say something else!  Oooh.  Somone’s dog is sick.  That sucks!  Whoa.  Is that a picture of someone’s meal?  Nice!

Then I’d get sucked into the black hole that is Amercia’s favorite social media outlet for 30 minutes or more.  I’d blink and an hour would go by.  I’d look at how far I’d gotten in my work and see barely any progress had been made.  This would happen over and over and over again.

I have a saying (especially lately): THESE BOOKS AIN’T GONNA WRITE THEMSELVES!

I’m no math guy, but I’d say I’d dumped more hours than I’m comfortable admitting into Facebook.  And for what?  To read about how much people love coffee?  The ads?  The inspirational quotes text-boxed over a scenic picture of some dumb waterfall?

Even when I wasn’t writing, I found myself reaching for my phone like some sort of crutch, scrolling through stuff I could easily get through my day not knowing.  My kids would be sitting around watching TV and I had my dumb face pressed against my iPhone.  They’re not going to be little forever and squandering away their time so I can read about someone complaining about their job?  Naaaaah.

So, I quit.  Done.  I’m out.

And no, I didn’t even bother to make that corny announcement:  Attention everybody.  I just wanted everyone to know I’m leaving Facebook.  I just need to focus on my writing/family/toenail clipping/break-dancing career.  No offense, but I need to cut the cord.

Doesn’t that always seem like a desperate last-ditch attempt for attention?  It’s right up there with people that like to announce that they’re trimming their friends list.

Here, let me save you the time.  UNFRIEND.

Nope.  I just pulled the plug.  I’m sure the world of social media is doing just fine without me and the junk I threw up on my wall.  I suspect a few people assumed I “unfriended” them.  But I didn’t.  I just stepped off the book of faces.  And you know what???

I honestly don’t miss it.  Not even a little bit.  It’s coming up on 2 months and while I’ve heard plenty of “you’ll be backs” and “who do you think you ares,” I’ve heard plenty of people say: Man…I need to do that, too.

You can do it, America.  Mark Zuckerberg has plenty of cash already.  He’s gonna be okay. I’m sure of it.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is this: If you want to contact me, please do.  I haven’t dropped off of earth’s left buttcheek.  I’m still here.  Shoot me an e-mail, a text, drop a comment or a note through my dusty ol’ website.  It’s like, whatever man.

Busy?  Maybe a little, but I’ve always got time for you.

Your lovin’,