Mom Won’t Shave Me, Jesus Can’t Save Me

Before anyone gets too bent out of shape, the subject line is made up of lyrics from the Eels song ‘Dog Faced Boy.’ It seemed fitting, given my current facial situation.

Yes. It’s 1 Week into the Great Mustache Growing Contest of 2008. While I can’t say I’m enjoying this little trip, I can tell you a few things I’ve learned in the last week.

It feels as a awful as it looks, folks. Also, enjoy the view inside my nose.

1. As a general rule, people don’t like mustaches. This includes wives, co-workers, and kids. Laura even went so far as to say: “That looks awful.” I can’t imagine what she’ll say around…oh, week 3 or so.

2. People have started to notice my ‘soul patch’ that I’ve had FOREVER. It’s the little sprig of hair under my lower lip, or what Travis likes to call my “little beard.” It seems people are under the impression that I just started growing it for this ridiculous contest, but no. I’ve had it forever. I find it centers my fat face.

3. I’m extremely apologetic. I’ve met a lot of people for the first time this past week at my (now 3 month old) job. As I’m shaking their hands and introducing myself (It’s ‘Thomas’ not ‘Tom’) I find myself explaining that I don’t usually look this awful. I point to the thicket on my lip and explain that it’s a contest we’re doing at the fire station. Sometimes I lie and say it’s for charity. Don’t judge.

4. I don’t like to look at myself in the mirror. For real. And not like I’d look at myself for long periods before anyway, but I find myself avoiding mirrors. Sometimes, I actually forget this thing is growing on my face and I sort of gasp when I see the 70’s-looking cop show reject looking back. Ah…it’s going to be a long month.

5. The little hairs that hang over your lip itch. Seriously. What a pain. I’m trying hard to knick ’em off with the electric, but sometimes I just don’t do a good enough job. I then spend the rest of the day fidgeting with my mouth.

So…we had National Night Out at the fire department, and shoot…I guess the rest of the nation, hence the name. We had 5 block parties we were scheduled to visit. I thought it would be funny to see some of the other guys and their awful mustaches. It seems I’m in good company.

In this shot, I told everyone to look as uncomfortable as possible. I’m sure Woodbury is so proud of us.

Want some irony? The 2nd guy in was the one who started all this.
His mustache is almost transparent.
Nicely played, Terry.

And just to prove National Night Out wasn’t just about us screwing around with our horrible, horrible mustaches… Here’s a shot I took of a future firefighter who looked pretty happy to get dressed up in our bunker gear.

Did you know the human head weighs 8 pounds?

So…more mustache updates as they come! It’s been an interesting week, but since I’m on a schedule to get some of that writing done, I’m going to call it a night!

Have a wonderful evening and a pleasant tomorrow…