I’ll Take Potpourri For 500, Alex.
Because I’m trying to be a better blogger for 2008, I’m going to post something today. Also, there’s this whole thing with me not wanting to knuckle down and do any sort of work just yet. I’m sure you understand.
So, in typical TKT fashion, here are random nuggets that are looking for some air time.
Cell Phone – So, I just got a new cell phone a month or so ago. It’s an upgraded version of the Razr, so I wasn’t ecstatic about it. The last one I had went south on me 3 times. Seriously. 3 TIMES. But, since I’m not into spending $200 or whatever on a new phone, I always just go with whatever one they’ll give me for free. Anyway, long story somewhat shorter, my new phone went south on me. I’m talking dead in the water. No amount of charging, pleading, crying and swearing would bring it back to life. Dead.
So, I went to get it replaced and confounded the guy to no end. He confounded me a bit, too.
AT&T Guy: Hi Brian.
Me: Hi, I’m Thomas.
ATTG: (looking confused) Oh, you look like Brian.
(we’re off to a great start)
Me: Nope. I’m pretty sure I’m Thomas. Anyway, my phone is dead. It just took a crap on me last night.
ATTG: Really? That’s weird. Did you…?
Me: No, I didn’t drop it in a lake or anything. (remember, I’ve had 3 phones replaced. I know what questions they’re going to ask)
The dude proceeded to try three different batteries to see if he could get it going. He even tried plugging it in. No luck.
ATTG: Yeah, this phone is dead.
Me: I know. I even tried a difribillator.
Me: Never mind.
Anyway, ATTG told me I had to call some warranty place and that he couldn’t just swap it out. I groaned and punched a wall (no, not really) and he agreed to let me use an old, abandoned phone until I got mine back in the mail.
ATTG: I’ll just wipe this one’s memory, toss your SIM card in and we’re golden.
Me: Fantastic, then.
He did his thing, handed me a phone that looked like it’d been punted through the uprights and sent me on my way. As soon as I got in the truck and turned it on, I noticed a friend had sent me a text message about Orange Tic-Tacs (delicious). The weird thing, I noticed some numbers that didn’t look familiar.
Guess ATTG didn’t wipe it out completely. The right thing to do would’ve been to wipe it clean, right? Right. Well, if being nosy is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. Indulge your vouyerism and enjoy the one-sided text messages I found on this old, beat up phone.
If i get one more obnoxious text from eyeliner, i’m going to get as mad as a digastricus when a raptor eats his baby!
Sorry had to work too late to call try tomorrow
U know i will girl dont get too wasted in margaritaville
No i would love to arrange this lets talk and thanks again talking to u is the high light of my day u r great
In line no stars yet except us sleep tight hot pants
Riding up hillside dr sweating bullets im on top of the hill looking at the bay. Wish you were here to see this.
you’re a great person and a generous one too. we will have a better time than both can probably imagine. you are wonderful and im quite smitten with you x
Im only as good as the person next to me. Cant wait to hold you.
Does this make me a dirtbag for reading this stuff? A complete sack of garbage on legs with a head on top for posting it on my blog? I don’t know. Part of me feels icky for doing it, the other part of me finds it wildly interesting. Call it the curious sponge-like quality of a writer who likes to create stories out of nothing at all. I now completely have this guy in my head as a character and I’ve got a weird little short story already forming in my head from these completely random texts.
Oh, hey. If for some reason these text messages happen to be yours and it’s making you all sorts of crazy to read these here, let me know. I’ll delete ’em post haste. Otherwise, thanks dinosaur-reference guy. You’ve just become a character.
Here’s the funny thing: For laughs, I smacked the back of my defective phone (just after calling the warranty place) and it lit up. Huh. Guess it works after all.
Potty Chronicles Ver. 2.0 – So, last night, a big victory in the Toilet Trials 2008. After a pretty good streak of squirting a little potty where it belongs, Travis decided to take a break. He boycotted the crapper for a couple of days. Sure, he’d humor us and sit down on the john for a few minutes to show that he was willing to play ball, but as soon as we tugged a Pull-Up onto him, he’d fill those things fuller than a fat guy’s lunch box.
But last night? Magic.
Just before going to bed, we sat the little champ on his throne and he began to peruse a boxing magazine. (Side note: My kid LOVES boxing. Seriously. He asks Grandma (my mom) who doesn’t like boxing if she likes it. You like boxing, Grandma? My mom’s answer never changes: No.) I told him that if he went potty tonight he’d qualify for a new car, to which I realized how much I sound like Bob Barker. When that didn’t seem to do it for him, Laura came in and tossed down the biggest bribe of our potty-training career.
Laura: Travis, if you go potty, we’ll take you to the boxing store tomorrow.
Laura: No, no. Tomorrow.
Travis: Tomorrow today?
I wanted to explain that tomorrow it would be today, but I figured that wouldn’t help. He looked like he was going to try and we were all excited, but it wasn’t happening. The boy was merely running down the clock and it was well past his bedtime. I told him he had two minutes and then we’d have to try again tomorrow. He stood up and I looked to see if there was any deposits made in the back-side bank. There weren’t.
Me: It was a good try, buddy. Oh, well. No boxing store.
Travis: No, no! I want to go potty!
Me: Well, do it then.
Travis returned to his talking toilet (which we’ve long shut off) and parked his little dumper on the seat. He talked to me about the boxing store and how he wanted boxing shorts, a shirt, a jump rope and new gloves. I sat there and thought…He’s almost 3, and he’s ready for the sweet science.
After a moment, he smiled big and wide. I listened and could hear the sound of liquid victory.
Me: Are you going potty?
Laura ran in, Travis stood up sans pants and we looked. Sure enough, he did his business like a champ. We all cheered and high-fived the little kid who shouted his victory like he’d just delivered a knock-out punch. I went and got the car box and he selected one from the movie Cars (he picked the yellow pace car) and there was much to celebrate in our house last night. The kid is on his way.
I can still hear his self-congratulatory cheers now: I did it! I did it!
Meet the Robinsons – I think it’s important for everyone to admit weaknesses every once in a while. My weakness as of late has been playing a $13 video game I’d originally purchased for my son to watch and enjoy. It’s the game Meet the Robinsons based off the comuter-animated Disney movie. It was cheap, it looked somewhat decent and I thought the movie was pretty cool and original. I started playing it and immediately Travis wanted me to find “Bowler Hat Guy” who is the villian in the movie and game.
Let me say for the record that I still like games like Halo 3, Call of Duty, etc. I’m all about blowing stuff up, saving the world, that kind of thing. But I’ll be gosh-darned if I didn’t take to this Robinsons game like a drug addict to a cocaine smoothie.
So, to all my Xbox-in’ friends who happened to see what I was playing online: Don’t judge.