Thursday 13 – Version 9.0

Ahhhh, Thursday. Where have you been, my friend? What’s that? I missed you last week? You’re right. I did. I suuuuure did.

This week’s Thursday 13: 13 Words I’m Not Fond Of

1. Slacks – Who the heck still calls the things you drape on your legs ‘slacks?’ Is that even legal to say that anymore? I had a friend growing up who called EVERY pair of pants he ever owned (including jeans) slacks. He and I aren’t speaking anymore. It’s because of his slacks.

2. Parcel – It’s so weird to me that the thing I love more than anything (getting crap in the mail) has a word to describe it that makes my ears burn. Parcel. It’s a package, people. Who calls it a parcel? I guess I do sometimes when I want to sound like a complete dork. Mission accomplished.

3. Davenport – Did you ever have a great-grandmother who called a couch a davenport? I did. I think it’s hilarious that one would waste so many syllables when a 1 syllable version to describe the same thing is available. Why don’t you go and lay down on the davenport? I swear, I thought she was telling me to go and hang out by the docks. Docks, port…whatever.

4. Meh – I know this isn’t a real word, but it’s one that surfaces on the internet like crazy. It’s the cooler-than-thou, apathetic way of saying: I don’t care for that. And you know what? I absolutely hate it. It’s puzzling how three simple letters arranged like that can make me want to drop-kick kittens* through the up-rights.

5. Precisely – What a pretentious, goofy and just dumb word. It makes the speaker sound like they’re the official arbitor of everything, ever.

Bill: So you went to the store, John?
John: Precisely.
Bill: I never liked you, John.

6. Scrumptious – How dare anyone use this word when one of my all-time favorite words (delicious) will do just as nicely. How DARE you.

7. Nummy- This is even worse. Unless you’re three, you have no business saying something is ‘nummy.’ All you four year olds and above? Watch your back.

8. Grin – Amazing how a word used to indicate happiness can make me want to fire pistols into the air. The word makes me think of a toothless farmer standing on the side of the road drinking some of Uncle Jesse’s special blend of moonshine. He grinned and pulled the piece of wheat from his toothless mouth.

9. Fashion – Maybe it’s not so much the word as it is the concept of the word, but what an irritating idea in general. That there’s such a thing as fashion just bugs me. Oh, those shoes are so in fashion! Really. Do we have nothing better to do with ourselves? Or our money? It’s things like these that make me thank whatever/whoever that I’m a guy.

10. Biscuits – I guess it’s just that it sounds weird coming out of my mouth. The word, not the food. I’m actually very fond of biscuits in case you were wondering. See? I don’t hate ALL foods!

11. Fresh – I think it’s hearing how some people say this word that aggrivates me. I was in Chipotle (big surprise) a while back behind some guy that was getting his burrito prepared. As he got to the salsa section, he asked for ‘fresh tomatoes.’ Maybe he had some sort of speech impediment or it just tumbled out of his mouth in a way I didn’t like, but I haven’t liked the word fresh since. Oh, you want ‘fresh’ tomatoes? I was thinking of putting some of these rotten ones on there for you. Glad you made that clear, toilet breath.**

12. Essentially – Had a college professor who said the word ‘essentially’ like 80 times in each class. Essentially what he did was while lecturing would essentially use the word essentially to fill in gaps where he didn’t know what he was essentially talking about. Essentially. I essentially marked on my desk*** how many times he said it. There were essentially a lot of marks on my desk. What the heck does that word mean, even?

13. Goiter – Okay, so maybe I don’t hate the word ‘goiter’ per se, but man…what an atrocity! Couldn’t they think of a better way to describe the excess skin hanging off of an old person’s neck? Admittedly, ‘jowls’ isn’t much better when describing the slack folds arond someone’s mouth. Ugh.

Got any words that rub you the wrong way? I’m all ears! (or eyes, in this case)

* I would never drop kick kittens. Guinea pigs maybe, but never kittens.
** I have no idea if the guy’s breath stunk. I just got real hostile there. Sorry.
*** I don’t in any way condone graffiti. I was essentially trying to make a point.